Rumour Snowbeast Earwax

Discussion in 'Rumours & Gossip' started by Pycella, Dec 18, 2016.

  1. Pycella Member

    (A small message has been left outside your burrow, on your doormat: )

    Snowbeast Earwax and how to get it
    by Miss Almi

    Once again, it is the time of the year when the coldness spreads over our hobbit lands and snowflakes start to fall. "Yay!" you might shout, as you peek out of your burrow and see how lovely, virginal snow covers your yard, waiting there just for you. But as soon as you put your feet out and step onto the snow, the cheer might turn into a lot of cursing and wincing. Dang, how can something be so cold?! Well, if you a Stoor and have boots on, you might stop reading this article right now and jump into the snow. Don't waste your time on reading if you can make snowballs and prepare snow war tactics for the others who are reading this text inside their burrows.

    So, if you don't use boots, or your feet are so swollen that they don't fit into shoes, or the shrews have eaten the boots, or whatnot, don't you despair – we have a solution for you! It's an old remedy known by the very oldest of hobbits that still have their head working, well, hobbits like me: Snowbeast Earwax!

    Yes, you did read it right. Over the years, I have made numerous experiments on various essences, and the snowbeast earwax has proven to have the best insulting insulating properties. It keeps your feet warm perfectly, even without boots on! Absolutely perfect.

    But how can you get your hands on this earwax? Where can you find it? Well, inside a snowbeasts ears of course. There are some snowbeasts around the village of Sûri Kylä, but those are of the rudest kind I have met on my travels, so I don't recommend sticking your fingers into their ears. There are some lazy snowbeasts around Winterhome. There, it's easier: you just pick the stuff while the beasts are napping.

    earwax picking.png
    A brave, anonymous, sneaky hobbit lass gathering earwax

    But ever so often, someone runs to cheer them up and they walk away! So, the easiest way to get it is to buy it from someone who has been crazy enough to harvest it for years and years, and who's selling it to earn a few extra coins – me, Miss Almi. Don't worry, I have a good stock of this stuff. Just write me a letter with your details and I'll send a box to your burrow, supposing the Quick Post lads and lasses don't faint because of the smell – a slight disadvantage of the otherwise ingenious product.

    Keep your toes warm and buy your own snowbeast earwax now!

    Yours sincerely,
    Miss Almi
    An earwax hunter
    5 Chalk Road, Songburrow

    PS. If anyone sees the earwax sample that escaped at the Green Dragon last Friday, please report its whereabouts to me, provided you cannot catch it on your own. Any clues are highly appreciated. Here is a drawing that should help you identify the escaped earwax.

    Migra, Neti, Tibba and 8 others like this.
  2. Tibba Voluntary Assistant Chief

    Now, this sounds most intriguing, and I must say I am very tempted to buy myself a patch or three right now, but I wonder... does it come with a warranty that offers help with catching the stuff in case it escapes? Like, the first three five nine escapees are caught for free, or somet? That would surely convince any uncertain potential buyers.

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