Tremblin's Jokes

Discussion in 'Stories & Tales' started by Simbo, Apr 20, 2013.

  1. Simbo Bandmaster of the Songburrow Strollers

    Here are the jokes my secret alt Tremblin told at the Masquerade ball. I can't take the credit for any of them, I am afraid. All stolen from a lad called "Google", and slightly revised....

    Green Dragon Jokes

    A lad walks into the Green Dragon and asks "Do you have any grapes?"
    "I'm sorry lad" says Barmy, "I don't serve grapes"
    The lads leaves
    The next day the same lad enters and asks "Do you have any grapes?"
    "No lad" Barmy says again, "I don't serve grapes"
    The following day the lad comes in once more, and ask "Do you have any grapes"
    "I've told you before" Barmy says loudly, "I don't serve grapes"
    The lad leaves yet empty handed again
    On the fourth day the lad come in again "Do you have any grapes"
    "NO", Barmy shouts, "And if you come in again, I'll nail you to the wall, so I will!"
    The lad leaves ...
    ... But next day the lad comes back!
    "Do you have any nails", he asks?
    Puzzled, Barmy replies "Errr, no I don't have any nails"
    "Right then", says the lad, "Do you have any grapes?"

    I saw a horse walk into the Green Dragon the other day
    Barmy asked "Why the long face?"

    A pony comes in later and asks for a drink for his sore throat
    "Ah", says Barmy, "I can tell you are a little hoarse."

    Then a bear walks into a bar and asks for a .....
    ....
    .... beer!
    "Why the long pause?" asks Barmy
    The bear replies "I don't know, I've always had long paws"

    A little while later a farmer walk in and asks "Do you serve chicken?"
    Barmy replies "I'll serve anything if they are paying!"

    I saw an actual green dragon walk into the Inn one day
    Barmy goes "Hey, this Inn is named after you!"
    The dragon replies "Oh, this Inn is called Bernard?"

    A drunk bounder walks into a bar...
    Ouch!

    A bounder walks by the Green Dragon, but didn't go in
    Only joking! That would never happen

    Other Jokes

    What's brown and sticky?
    A Stick!

    What's two feet long and slippery?
    A pair of slippers.

    Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
    A carrot

    What's skinny and green and has wheels?
    Grass! I lied about the wheels...

    What do you call a deer with no eyes?
    No idea

    What do you call a pig with no eyes?
    Pg

    Where do you find Brigands?
    At the end of your Brig-arms

    Why are pirates called pirates?
    Because they arrrrrrr....

    And finally...

    All my friends laughed when I told them I wanted to be a comedian
    Well, they're not laughing now.....

    ((OOC: That joke shamelessly stolen from the late great Bob Monkhouse))

    Jokes which I didn't tell in the end
    What did the catfish say when it swam into a wall?
    Dam!

    How do you make a sausage roll?
    Push it!

    What do you call a hobbit lad with a plank on his head?
    Ed-wood! (Edward)

    What do you call a hobbit lass who can juggle with a glass of ale on her head?
    Beer-tricks! (Beatrix)
    Akelay, Nimelia, Tibba and 1 other person like this.
  2. Patula Member

    Haha, very funny. Especially about the actual green dragon and the bounders! hihi
  3. Simbo Bandmaster of the Songburrow Strollers

    I also have to apologise to Anysia, who also told some jokes, and I actually stole a couple of the ones she was going to tell *Looks guilty*
  4. Lina Chief

    Grand! Should have had a drum ter play in-between jokes *giggles*
  5. Rubellita Member

    And one Minelia would have told, if I had the typing skills (or the foresight to put it in Lyrical *chuckles*). Maybe you know it already, but I thought it was very funny the first time I heard it.

    A lad walks into the Green Dragon and asks Barmy if he can spend the night at the inn and what he would have to pay for that.
    Barmy says: It's 3 gold a night, but only 5 silver if you make your own bed.
    Alright, the lad says, I'll make my own bed!
    Barmy nods and hands him a hammer, some boards and a handfull of nails.
    Nimelia, Patula, Tibba and 1 other person like this.
  6. Tibba Voluntary Assistant Chief

    Ooh, grand, Master Simbo, I had been meaning to ask you for a second performance. Nimelia missed your first one completely, and I came in the middle. It was very funny! *cheers*
  7. Merrifast Guest

    Indeed Master Simbo - these were grand indeed !

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